walls are props

A few weeks ago, shortly after the Big Hair Ball, my watch died. I’ve been wearing it for probably three years, and I still like it. The black leather band was screwed to a kind of black mini-cuff that wrapped partially around my wrist, and the heavy silver face was analog without any flashing lights or giant digital numbers. It was almost perfect except that I always wished the cuff went all the way around my wrist.

I’ve been trying to save money lately for tattoos and accessories for my motorcycle, so I haven’t really been interested in replacing it. The watch was originally about sixty bucks from Fossil, and I figured I could just replace the battery for a lot less. Getting around to that was taking a while, though.

This Sunday, I went to the outlet mall for some much-needed work clothes. I’ve been wearing basically two pairs of pants, and I didn’t have anything lightweight enough for summer. I met Drea and bought a few things (just what I needed - still trying to save money) and then decided to visit the Fossil outlet. Drea told me I couldn’t go in because I would spend money, but I assured her that I would only walk out with a pair of sunglasses and maybe a new wallet, a couple of items that I also desperately need. Still, I couldn’t help but look at the watches, and of course I somehow found the perfect one on a table near the door. It had a chunky black cuff for a band and an analog face with nothing flashing. I was sad that I had to leave it, but I stuck to my word.

Drea had to go to a bachelorette party in the Wisconsin Dells this weekend, so she drove up last night to celebrate my birthday and do some apartment shopping in Ames today. We had a few drinks and dinner, and went back to my place, where she asked if I wanted my present. This is where I learned a few things about my girlfriend. I said of course, and she said, “Okay, well it’s hidden in your room.”

WTF? Hidden in my room? I looked around and realized that it wasn’t much of a trick. I’m a messy guy, and you could probably set something on my desk without me noticing it.

Not there. Not on the bookshelf. Not under the bed.

“I thought the cat might mess with it there,” she said. Smart girl. In my desk drawers? No… behind the door on my desk! It’s a computer bay, and the computer in there hasn’t been turned on in over a year. It was genius. “Be careful getting it out, I had to put it on its side.” I reached in and pulled out a little gift box that was slightly too full to be folded shut.

The first few items aimed to get me back for a few things. I always make fun of Drea for being nearly blind, and the first thing I pulled out was a pair of reading glasses. And, uh, turns out I might need them. Also, you know those cheesy door decorations that RAs put on your dorm door before you get there? She made me one. She loves those things. There was also a sheet of colorful star stickers so I could show my appreciation for awesome things. And then-

-there was this box that said Fossil on it. I couldn’t believe it. I opened it up, and it was the watch with full cuff and analog face, the same exact one I had picked out on Sunday. Drea hadn’t been in my room since Memorial Day weekend.

“When did you get this?” I asked.

“I stopped at the outlet mall on my way here for the Big Hair Ball and then hid it in your room because I wasn’t sure if I would be able to give it to you on your birthday.”

“Wait, you mean you bought this watch and hid it in my room before the battery even died on my other watch?”

“Uh huh.”

And that is how I found out my girlfriend is a time-traveling demon.

It’s my birthday on Friday! From what I can tell, people are busy and missing this weekend, so I probably won’t throw a party. However, if anyone wants to go to Ocean’s 13 on Friday or hang out on Saturday and pretend it’s different somehow from every other weekend, let me know. I’m all about it.

Sometime this morning I dreamed that George W. Bush had been assassinated, that he was stealing all the glory from Kennedy, and that the country was being plunged into fascism in the ensuing chaos. It sucked. I woke up with the most intense neck cramp you can imagine. Time for some Tylenol.

Andrea probably cursed me while we were eating lunch in Mount Vernon. Jan, Amanda, and I were later than expected, so instead of eating at the Lincoln Cafe, we ate at the Big Creek Market. I was just finishing up a reasonable meal of spinach quiche and a garden salad when Andrea looked over and said, “Is that going to be enough? I mean, you can really put it away.” I don’t normally think of myself as a big eater, but I suddenly realized that, yes, I was still hungry.

It was probably just the ride taking effect. We were taking the slow way to Wisconsin for a motorcycle rally, and I had already been riding since 10 a.m. when we ate at 3. I met Jan at his place in the morning, and we went from there to Baxter to meet up with Amanda. I had my first-ever close call on a motorcycle as we were riding down Euclid. At the 6th Avenue intersection, a car coming from the opposite direction turned left in front of me without warning. As I locked up my brakes, they saw me, paused, and then kept right on going. Good call, car. I handled it pretty well except that I forgot to shift down while I was braking, so when I let the clutch out to go again, I stalled the bike and had to pull over. It was better than coffee for sure.

We met Amanda in Baxter at a place called Grandma’s “Hooter’s” Kitchen. We had some amazing rhubarb pie and rode into Newton to say hello to Amanda’s dad. She was borrowing his Harley for the ride up to the Hawk rally, which was nice of him, but left her wide open for some teasing. It was all in good fun, especially good and fun since it is so unusual to see only one Harley in a parking lot full of foreign bikes.

From Newton, we took Highway 6 to Highway 1 and rode into Mount Vernon. I had intended to take some back roads up to Lake McBride, but we ended up missing a turn and going all the way to Coralville. With fuel stops, map-stops, and cookie breaks, it took us about two and a half hours to get from Newton to Mount Vernon. On vacation, you can take twice as long. It’s okay.

After meeting Drea for lunch and coffee, we headed for Dubuque, stopped for a few minutes, and made it to the Don Q Inn in Dodgeville at about 7 in the evening. As soon as we saw the Don Q, we could tell it was going to be that kind of weekend. There is an old Boeing cargo plane parked by the road, and the inside of the hotel has a vague ranch theme held together by an assortment of random knick-knacks on the wall and vintage barber chairs arranged around a huge round fireplace. Toward the back, there was an indoor/outdoor pool with a little passageway where you could dive under and surface outside. Seriously kitsch and seriously awesome. The only problem was that Jan and Amanda both forgot to bring swimsuits, so we had to head out to Wal-Mart for a little shopping.

It was after 8 when we finally got around to eating supper, and this was where the fun began. There was a supper club across the street from the hotel called Thym’s, and everything was starting to look good. Jan and I got a beer called Spotted Cow from the local New Glarus brewery, and we tried to order fried cheese curds, but apparently the restaurant was all out. Instead, we ordered a plate of six potato skins loaded with cheese and bacon with a side of sour cream. I probably should have stopped there. Instead, I ordered the 18 ounce ribeye special with mushrooms on top and proceeded to demolish that slab of meat and gristle. Jan and Amanda gave me a weird look, and we went back to the hotel to finish the night off with some cans of Michelob Golden Light. I slept like a baby.

The next day, Jan got up first and ate the continental breakfast, but Amanda and I are real troopers and slept in until 11. We had missed breakfast at pretty much every place, so we headed into Dodgeville for lunch, where I got a hot roast beef sandwich. At this point, Jan and Amanda really started to look at me funny. We headed north to the House on the Rock and paid for the first two of three self-guided tours. Apparently, House on the Rock is just an acid trip full of music machines, Chinese sculpture, dollhouses, ship models, a five-story sculpture of a squid and whale locked in mortal combat, and a carousel that you can’t ride guarded by hundreds of the freakiest angels you have ever seen. We skipped out on the third tour.

The ride into Spring Green is gorgeous. Highway 23 passes right by Taliesin and some other Frank Lloyd Wright homes, so if we go back next year, I think that tour is on the list. We found a little beach on the river just beyond the visitor’s center and laid down for a 45-minute nap before heading into Spring Green. What did I do in Spring Green? I had another Spotted Cow and a half-pound hamburger, of course. That restaurant had our cheese curds, too, which was awesome. So I was totally full of fried cheeses and meats when we headed back to Dodgeville.

Amanda had to leave on Saturday, so Friday night was our only chance to really hang out at the rally. The Hawk-listers are awesome people. A couple of guys had gotten the Up Up and Away theme room for giggles (and believe me, we did giggle.) After they showed us their room, the hotel staff gave us a tour of some of the other rooms including the much-anticipated Swinger Suite. The bed is suspended from chains, and yes, there is a mirror above it.

The next morning, we checked out at 11 and rode to Dubuque for lunch. I got a walleye sandwich. I would be happy if I did not see another piece of beef for three weeks. Dubuquefest was in progress, so we walked around downtown for a little bit and relaxed in Washington Park. When we got back to Mount Vernon, I said goodbye to Jan and Amanda and drove to Palisades-Kepler State Park to meet Drea, Derek, Kari, Steph, Lindsey, and Elizabeth. We partied all afternoon and all night.

Drea and I ate a sweet, sweet brunch at the Lincoln Cafe the next day and I rode off at about 3. This time, I paid more attention to my route and figured out why I missed the turnoff on the ride up. For future reference, when you use Google Maps to plan a twisty route, you really need to zoom all the way in on intersections, or you might be looking for Cemetery Road when the intersection is actually Upper Old Highway 6. Those little country roads are pretty sweet, by the way. Once again, I took twice as long as I should have, but I found some serious curves to lean my motorcycle into.

So about 600 miles and 2 pounds of beef later, I’m back at work, which is kind of a bummer. I’m just trying to figure out when I can make my next weekend trip. Memorial Day is kind of booked up already, but as soon as I can, I would like to either head to Dubuque for the weekend or up to the Prairie du Chien area. There are some really cool places within easy driving distance, and I want to find them all.

Oops, I let my registration expire. There was a little trouble with Joker.com when I tried to renew my domain registration; apparently, they have started to secure some credit cards by requiring a faxed copy of the credit card. You don’t find this interesting fact out until it is apparently too late to cancel the order and switch cards. I had to wait four days for the order to naturally expire, after which I used a different card and got things right again. It’s all good for two more years. I expect to write about ten more posts in that time. Yee-haw.